Remember What Happens When You Assume?
I have horrific generalized anxiety disorder. I can turn a one word phrase into a death sentance. Somewhere in my deep, dark mind I believe that if I address someone too much, not enough, or too far inbetween they will hate me and run away. After they run away they will probably be hit by a car. Of course, they will die. I will have effectively killed someone due to my lack of eye contact. Or so my mind would have me believe.
With that in mind, I'd like to tell you a story about why I will never go to my bank again. Ever.
It all started innocently enough. I walked into our diserted neighboorhood branch and smiled approvingly as the banker welcomed me to wachovia. That is (in my mind at least) where things started to go wrong. See, I have this compulsive need to tell a male stranger immediately that I am married in some sly, creative way. It's not like I think all the males in the world are attracted to me, I just don't want to have any illusion of attraction.
Anyways, much to my dismay, there was no good time to sneak in a "and my husband did X" type comment into the discussion. I think perhaps I was overly anxious about the situation, and let my anxiety turn my brain into a pile of mush. Judge for yourselves...
Young Male Banker- "Hi, welcome to wachovia! What can I help you with today?"
Me- "I need a money Order"
Young Male Banker- "Do you have you ID?"
Me- "Yes"
Young Male Banker- (Looks at ID and checks against system) "Which address is correct?" (Yes, I'm one of *those* people who moves and doesn't update my DL)
Me- "Er, the one in your system"
Young Male Banker- Laughs "That's Ok I didn't update mine either"
Me- "Uh huh" (In my mind thinking "It would be a good time to make a "so my husband comment...")
Young Male Banker- "Who Do I make the money order to?"
Me- "X Real Estate"
Young Male Banker- "Will you write that out for me, I have terrible spelling"
Me- "Sure, it's hard to spell anyways" (I proceed to write out the name)
Young Male Banker- "Whoa, what's that on your finger? (Points to his LEFT RING FINGER)
Me- "Haha, um I'm married..." (Thinking "What the heck? This can't be happening, people don't just hit on married women like this do they?")
Young Male Banker- "No! Your *other finger* (points to right hand)"
Me- (Wants to die now. Instantly. Someone please bury me...now.) "Oh...I err..didn't realize I had anything on my hand...er...its pasta sause. It wasn't very good (ramble ramble ramble)"
Young Male Banker- "Oh"
Me- (Thinking "GET ME OUT OF HERE!") *stares at tv*
Young Male Banker- "Well let me go get your money order"
Me- *keeps looking at tv*
Young Male Banker- "Well, here you go" "So, how long have you been married?"
Me- *keeps looking at tv* "2 1/2 years"
Young Male Banker- "Oh, wow. You got married early. Well good luck on the marriage"
Me- "Thanks" (At that point he gave me the money order and I tried my hardest not to RUN out of the store)
Do you See why I can never go back? What would you have done in the same situation? I mean, I'm sure you aren't all as paranoid as I am, but I'm sure you'd all have some reaction if you thought that some guy was so brazenly hitting on a married woman. Right? ...RIGHT?
At least he wasn't *actually* hitting on me. I don't know what I would have done in that situation. Probably something very similar to what I did, but with more indignation and less stammering.
As I write this I realize that it probably doesn't seem so horrible to anyone but me. Just more evidence of my extreme anxiety, I suppose. Regardless, I hope you all got a good laugh and will understand if I don't cash a check for a while.
With that in mind, I'd like to tell you a story about why I will never go to my bank again. Ever.
It all started innocently enough. I walked into our diserted neighboorhood branch and smiled approvingly as the banker welcomed me to wachovia. That is (in my mind at least) where things started to go wrong. See, I have this compulsive need to tell a male stranger immediately that I am married in some sly, creative way. It's not like I think all the males in the world are attracted to me, I just don't want to have any illusion of attraction.
Anyways, much to my dismay, there was no good time to sneak in a "and my husband did X" type comment into the discussion. I think perhaps I was overly anxious about the situation, and let my anxiety turn my brain into a pile of mush. Judge for yourselves...
Young Male Banker- "Hi, welcome to wachovia! What can I help you with today?"
Me- "I need a money Order"
Young Male Banker- "Do you have you ID?"
Me- "Yes"
Young Male Banker- (Looks at ID and checks against system) "Which address is correct?" (Yes, I'm one of *those* people who moves and doesn't update my DL)
Me- "Er, the one in your system"
Young Male Banker- Laughs "That's Ok I didn't update mine either"
Me- "Uh huh" (In my mind thinking "It would be a good time to make a "so my husband comment...")
Young Male Banker- "Who Do I make the money order to?"
Me- "X Real Estate"
Young Male Banker- "Will you write that out for me, I have terrible spelling"
Me- "Sure, it's hard to spell anyways" (I proceed to write out the name)
Young Male Banker- "Whoa, what's that on your finger? (Points to his LEFT RING FINGER)
Me- "Haha, um I'm married..." (Thinking "What the heck? This can't be happening, people don't just hit on married women like this do they?")
Young Male Banker- "No! Your *other finger* (points to right hand)"
Me- (Wants to die now. Instantly. Someone please bury me...now.) "Oh...I err..didn't realize I had anything on my hand...er...its pasta sause. It wasn't very good (ramble ramble ramble)"
Young Male Banker- "Oh"
Me- (Thinking "GET ME OUT OF HERE!") *stares at tv*
Young Male Banker- "Well let me go get your money order"
Me- *keeps looking at tv*
Young Male Banker- "Well, here you go" "So, how long have you been married?"
Me- *keeps looking at tv* "2 1/2 years"
Young Male Banker- "Oh, wow. You got married early. Well good luck on the marriage"
Me- "Thanks" (At that point he gave me the money order and I tried my hardest not to RUN out of the store)
Do you See why I can never go back? What would you have done in the same situation? I mean, I'm sure you aren't all as paranoid as I am, but I'm sure you'd all have some reaction if you thought that some guy was so brazenly hitting on a married woman. Right? ...RIGHT?
At least he wasn't *actually* hitting on me. I don't know what I would have done in that situation. Probably something very similar to what I did, but with more indignation and less stammering.
As I write this I realize that it probably doesn't seem so horrible to anyone but me. Just more evidence of my extreme anxiety, I suppose. Regardless, I hope you all got a good laugh and will understand if I don't cash a check for a while.
Posted by Lauren at
12:08 PM
5 Comments:
Oh Lauren, I TOTALLY understand your embarrassment! It was a very easy mistake to make though...I mean, what else are you supposed to think when someone asks you what is on your hand...you didn't know you had anything on your hand except your ring! You know, it's possible he was just as embarrassed as you. :) hehe
I have actually been hit on when I was 6 months pregnant one time! I couldn't believe the nerve the guy had..but I must admit, I was just a tiny bit flattered. ;) (I felt pretty unattractive at that time and this gave me a boost).
By
Bethany, at 1:08 PM
Haha I don't know what I'd do if I got hit on while pregnant. I think I'd just walk around really confused for a bit. I'd probably think of some snarky thing to say long after the guy left and then kick myself for not thinking of it at the time!
By
Lauren, at 1:40 PM
Oh, Lauren! I don't get how you can embarass easy. You're a gorgeous, skinny, young lady and very smart. You have nothing to be self-conscious about. I, on the other hand, have a ton to be self-conscious about and it's d@mn near impossible to embarass me. When I do something embarassing, I get a huge laugh out of it, and everyone else feels worse about it than I do. I keep trying to explain that I don't care-hmmmmmm.
Just another aspect of Lauren to figure out I guess. :)
So...when we making bracelets? Oh, yeah, and I still have your car. :)
By
JacqueFromTexas, at 5:18 PM
I'm one of those people who talks to EVERYONE. I make conversation with bank tellers, supermarket checkers, people next to me in line, people next to me on the train, homeless people, etc. Heck, I even talk to cats, if one walks near me. I'm wondering if the bank teller was someone like me -- just a chatty guy? And since many guys are clueless, he just didn't notice that his blathering was making you uncomfortable? (I stop talking to people if I sense I'm making them uncomfortable.) But if you are uncomfortable with it, then....I suggest using the ATM machine for a long, long time! And one good thing about Wachovia is you can do a lot online.
By
L., at 5:38 PM
Well, I really feel that in this situation, with a guy standing there pointing to his ring finger and asking you about yours, it was a logical assumption to jump to...
I say, go back and avoid that particular guy like the plague.
By
Lori, at 9:32 AM
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