An "aha!" moment
I learned something very important last night: In order to feel comforted by someone, you have to allow yourself to be comforted.
This is particularly important in marriage. I'm still a newly wed so I'm sure most people figured this one out long ago, but it just hit me last night.
I was having a blah day yesterday. I couldn't tell you what exactly was wrong, I was just feeling off. So I went about sulking all day, making occasional snide remarks at poor Oliver who was doing his best to console me. I wasn't absorbing any of his kindness because he wasn't doing it the way I wanted him to.(Yeah, I know not my proudest moment) So we lay down in bed and I say something along the lines of "It's ok honey, I'm just going to go to sleep...I don't want to burden you" as if my sulking hadn't been burdening him all day. Then I rolled over and felt sorry for myself.
A few moments later I thought that maybe I'd feel better if he held me a bit. So I asked him to and he willingly obliged. I wasn't satisfied with this, however, because I felt like he should be holding me "better"(are you sick from my selfishness yet?). Then he started to talk to me to build me up a bit. Generally, this is the point I lay there and wish he would just shut up and rub my shoulders or something. Instead I listened to what he was saying and how sincere he was and realized that he was comforting me in the exact way I needed, I just wasn't allowing it to affect me because it wasn't what I wanted.
So I let myself be comforted by his words and his strength, and at the end of it I actually did feel better. Much better in fact, than I would have from a back rub. All this time I've been walking around thinking "If only he could just do it this way, I'd be all better" My attitude was preventing me from finding real fulfilment in his way. I had built up my ideal comfort so much that I ignored his heartfelt attempts.
So that's my marriage epiphany for today "If to feel better you need to be comforted, you have to allow yourself to receive comfort. Otherwise you'll just be bitter"
This is particularly important in marriage. I'm still a newly wed so I'm sure most people figured this one out long ago, but it just hit me last night.
I was having a blah day yesterday. I couldn't tell you what exactly was wrong, I was just feeling off. So I went about sulking all day, making occasional snide remarks at poor Oliver who was doing his best to console me. I wasn't absorbing any of his kindness because he wasn't doing it the way I wanted him to.(Yeah, I know not my proudest moment) So we lay down in bed and I say something along the lines of "It's ok honey, I'm just going to go to sleep...I don't want to burden you" as if my sulking hadn't been burdening him all day. Then I rolled over and felt sorry for myself.
A few moments later I thought that maybe I'd feel better if he held me a bit. So I asked him to and he willingly obliged. I wasn't satisfied with this, however, because I felt like he should be holding me "better"(are you sick from my selfishness yet?). Then he started to talk to me to build me up a bit. Generally, this is the point I lay there and wish he would just shut up and rub my shoulders or something. Instead I listened to what he was saying and how sincere he was and realized that he was comforting me in the exact way I needed, I just wasn't allowing it to affect me because it wasn't what I wanted.
So I let myself be comforted by his words and his strength, and at the end of it I actually did feel better. Much better in fact, than I would have from a back rub. All this time I've been walking around thinking "If only he could just do it this way, I'd be all better" My attitude was preventing me from finding real fulfilment in his way. I had built up my ideal comfort so much that I ignored his heartfelt attempts.
So that's my marriage epiphany for today "If to feel better you need to be comforted, you have to allow yourself to receive comfort. Otherwise you'll just be bitter"
Labels: Marriage.
Posted by Lauren at
7:03 AM
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