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Hi, this is my blog for all sorts of pro-life news, statistics, stories, and personal ventings. I am a wife and mother, as well as a nursing student. I I truly believe that abortion has failed women, and will continue to do so as long as it is legal.


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Saturday, March 18, 2006

No Plan B!

Those on the prochoice side like to pretend that emergency contraceptive is harmless. They like to pretend that it doesn't end a life. They like to pretend it doesn't increase promiscuity. They like to pretend it doesn't hurt women.

I know they are wrong.

A few years ago when I was young,liberal, and heartbroken, I found myself going down the all to common road of promiscuity. I had forsaken my religion and was in a unfaithful relationship with someone who in all likelihood didn't care about me. In a fit of passion or some other vapid emotion, it was decided that it would be ok to engage in sexual relations without any semblance of protection because I could go the next day to get the morning after pill. Feeling quite confident in our decision I was instructed to "do it like a pornstar" and left feeling used and upset.

The next day we drove to the local Planned Parenthood to get the pill. Unfortunately we were too late and they had closed for the day. It was a Saturday and they would not be open until Monday. I was terrified that it would be too late, but I could see no other alternative. My boyfriend was pretty carefree about the entire ordeal so I was pretty much on my own.

When the time came to get the pill I walked into the building alone. My boyfriend was next door at the music shop getting sheet music. A rude counselor berated me for my irresponsibility and then dispensed the pills. Contrary to the manufactures guidelines, I was instructed to take both pills simultaneously.

I was never told of the abortificant properties of the morning after pill, only that it "prevented pregnancy". Ok, I thought. The next few days were horrible. I was so sick. I was sure that I had to be pregnant, which in all reality was ok with me. I knew I would have no support from my family or boyfriend, but I would rather be pregnant than deal with the sneaking suspicion I had somehow killed my child.

Eventually my period came and I knew that whatever had been done was done. I would like to say I stopped my sexual activity but that would be a lie. Of course, the relationship ended and I simultaneously started a new romantic interest.

My new relationship brought be back to God, and for that I am eternally grateful. He is a wonderful man who has never shown anything but love for me. Because of my insecurities and some other evil I could not explain, I was unfaithful to the man who is now my husband. By some miracle he forgave me and we spent a wonderful weekend together. Once again, I was tempted into unprotected sex. Though the reasoning was different, this time love and not lust, I knew that it was wrong in God's eyes for us to be together outside of marriage.

Again the topic of Emergency Contraceptive came about. We decided to sleep on it and make our decision in the morning. Upon "sleeping on it" I knew that I could not do harm to my child again. Though I had never been given knowledge that EC could possibly kill an already created child, I knew in my heart that it could. We prayed about it and decided that whatever should happen, we would be in it together.

God blessed me with a beautiful baby boy. He struggled with life from the very beginning, almost like he knew about our ambivalence in his creation. Mercifully, he was delivered very healthy, but very tiny at 31 weeks. He is now healthy and happy.

But there is something that still pulls at my heart, something that I can not shake. I live with the reality of knowing that not only was I unfaithful to my husband due to fornication before our marriage, but I may quite possibly have ended the life of my child. I believe not knowing is worse than the pain I would feel if I knew I had ended my child's life by abortion. I will never know if I killed my child. I will never know the pain I caused that poor innocent life.

The proponents of Emergency Contraception do not talk about these realities. They pretend that this is a magical pill that offers a second chance. Through the grace of God I was offered a second chance, but all the progesetern in the world did not make it happen. I feel misled and misinformed. I am angry at being lied to. I am angry at believing the lies.

Emergency Contraception is making it easier and easier to skirt responsibility and Godly relations. It allows people to be thoughtless and immature, when they should instead be thinking of the concequences of their actions. I am ashamed of my use of Plan B. I mourn the loss of a child that may have never been. It is NOT a solution. It is simply another step of the chipping away of healthy, loving relationships.

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