Abortion, Delayed Parenting, and Infertility
I've been wandering about some infertility blogs lately. It's heartbreaking to read of women so desperate for a child. Before I go further, I want to make it clear that I'm not condemning anyone. This post is about society, not any individual's choice.
The overwhelming majority of infertility bloggers are older women(from a reproductive standpoint) who have been sold a bill of goods about modern medicine being able to extend fertility indefinitely.
These women are outraged(and rightfully so) that they were mislead their entire lives with the message that "you can have it all" or "you can have children whenever you want". Now entering their 40's these women are realizing that this was a lie. They were had.
This isn't shocking. It's easy to imagine that someone would be outraged that they were not told that fertility weans. We all agree that the myth of the 40 year old mother is far from an everyday reality. What shocks me is how many of these women have had prior abortions.
They make comments like "I was pregnant before, but I had to terminate for X reason, perhaps God is punishing me now". No! God isn't punishing you, you were lied to! Those same people who told you that having a baby at 40 was as plausible as having one at 20 also told you that having an abortion now would not affect future fertility.
They lied. They are still lying. Please, if you've stumbled upon this site by typing in infertility and you've had a prior abortion, get the word out that abortion is a MAJOR risk factor for later infertility and miscarriage.
Women deserve the truth, even if it is inconvenient.
The overwhelming majority of infertility bloggers are older women(from a reproductive standpoint) who have been sold a bill of goods about modern medicine being able to extend fertility indefinitely.
These women are outraged(and rightfully so) that they were mislead their entire lives with the message that "you can have it all" or "you can have children whenever you want". Now entering their 40's these women are realizing that this was a lie. They were had.
This isn't shocking. It's easy to imagine that someone would be outraged that they were not told that fertility weans. We all agree that the myth of the 40 year old mother is far from an everyday reality. What shocks me is how many of these women have had prior abortions.
They make comments like "I was pregnant before, but I had to terminate for X reason, perhaps God is punishing me now". No! God isn't punishing you, you were lied to! Those same people who told you that having a baby at 40 was as plausible as having one at 20 also told you that having an abortion now would not affect future fertility.
They lied. They are still lying. Please, if you've stumbled upon this site by typing in infertility and you've had a prior abortion, get the word out that abortion is a MAJOR risk factor for later infertility and miscarriage.
Women deserve the truth, even if it is inconvenient.
Labels: Abortion, Delayed Parenting, Infertility
Posted by Lauren at
1:21 PM
2 Comments:
Lauren,
The older I get the sadder I become at the lie that people can control their fertility. Fertility is not guarenteed to anyone.
Having worked in adoptions, I've seen how painful infertility is. It represents so many losses. What shocked me though is how many of these couples only recognized that they had a limited chance of conceiving after years of contracepting:
"Yeah, when we first married, we wanted a few years to ourselves, then we wanted to save for a bigger house. Then I started grad school and money was tight and pregnancy and maternity leave might interfere with a potential promotion at work. Finally, after all the years had passed, we decided to just go for it and then we realized that are odds were slim. We wished we'd started trying earlier."
I'm not saying that their desires or concerns are petty, I'm saying that people have been lied to in beleiving that getting pregnant or not getting pregnant is within their realm of control (when involved in a sexual relationship). There's no magic wand, "Poof, you're pregnant."
One of my best girlfriends, been married 6 years, just turned 31 is now wanting a baby. Her husband though has always got some reason to wait, "Wait till my business is more stable." is the latest one. I told her, "Doe he not recognize that babies take at least 9 months to bake, if you're lucky enough to concieve quickly? Furthermore, what if the business crashed during the pregnancy or after the baby was born, what would you do then? You can't plan these things. You can't control these things."
Not to be crass: I've seen diseases and accidents take away fertility all the time and waiting increases the likelihood that something might happen to your reproductive organs. Such is the case with these women. Time took its toll.
You should post about IVF sometime. It'd be an interesting parallel to mention that we kill our babies when we don't want them (abortion) and we kill our babies when we want them desperately (IVF). It's back to this myth of "control" spawned from birth control.
-Jac
By
JacqueFromTexas, at 7:46 AM
That really is an interesting parallel. It's just all so sad.
By
Lauren, at 8:22 AM
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